Why "Friction Maxxing" Needs To Be Your New Go-To Emotional Intelligence Strategy

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Kathryn Jezer-Morton recently wrote a viral article for The Cut saying that we should all try to make 2026 the year of “friction maxxing.” 

“Tech companies are succeeding in making us think of life itself as inconvenient and something to be continuously escaping from,” she wrote. “Reading is boring; talking is awkward; moving is tiring; leaving the house is daunting. Thinking is hard. Interacting with strangers is scary. Risking an unexpected reaction from someone isn’t worth it. Speaking at all — overrated. These are all frictions that we can now eliminate, easily, and we do.”

According to Jezer-Morton, if you want to break away from your bubble of comfort, you need to lean into your discomfort. She calls this “friction maxxing.”

Friction maxxing is the practice of intentionally choosing small, safe inconveniences that build your tolerance for discomfort and bring you joy.

Some examples of friction maxxing include:

1. Letting your kids run errands for you even though you know they’ll do a messy job of it.

2. Running outdoors on a trail with weather and uneven ground to make yourself think about each step you take, instead of hammering away on a treadmill while binge-watching Netflix.

3. Chatting with a stranger even though it’s uncomfortable.

4. Reading a tough book instead of scrolling Instagram.

5. Writing a handwritten note, not a text.

You might notice that these examples aren’t particularly extreme. Friction maxxing isn’t about “performative suffering.” You don’t need to flaunt your 80-hour workweek or run a 100-mile ultramarathon through the Sierras. It’s about accepting day-to-day resistance. And it’s about learning to see these little inconveniences as the very things that can bring you joy. 

How Emotional Intelligence Can Help You Friction Maxx

When Jezer-Morton talks about building your tolerance for “friction” and “inconvenience,” she’s really talking about building your tolerance for negative emotions. For example, letting your kids run to the grocery store instead of using DoorDash means worrying about mistakes, and reading a tough book means pushing past those early feelings like overwhelm, boredom, or frustration. 

Many of our decisions of convenience are really decisions of short-term emotions. It feels good to order something on DoorDash because you remove the worry of your kids messing up the ingredients you need to cook. It feels good to scroll because you know getting into a challenging book will feel lousy (at least initially). 

If, on the other hand, you can learn to grapple with these pesky emotions head-on, the long-term benefits are big. This is where emotional intelligence (EQ) fits into the picture. EQ is your ability to recognize, understand, and manage the emotions of yourself and others in order to build better relationships and achieve your goals. 

Emotional intelligence is made up of four core skills: Self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Here’s a look at each core skill and how it relates to friction maxxing. 

Self-Awareness and Friction Maxxing: Name Your Emotions to Tame Your Emotions

Self-awareness: This is your ability to recognize and understand your emotions. By growing your awareness of the uncomfortable emotions that friction brings up (i.e., I feel self-conscious when I talk to strangers), you can avoid suppressing your emotions and you can get a grip on how you might best manage those emotions without giving up. 

Self-Awareness Strategy to Help You Friction Maxx: Emotional granularity. Research shows that learning to label your emotions with precision (i.e., you don’t just feel “sad,” you feel “hurt”) could improve your mental health. In one study at UCLA, arachnophobes interacted with spiders. Those who used emotional granularity in real time to name how they were feeling saw a decreased physiological reaction. They also indicated that they were significantly more likely to interact with a spider again in the future. 

Self-Management and Friction Maxxing: Learn to Trust That the Friction Will Fade (And Then It Will)

Self-Management: This is your ability to manage your emotions. If you think about self-awareness as what you know about your emotions, then you can think about self-management as what you do with those emotions. Each time you experience friction, it’s through self-management that you will be able to work with your negative emotions until they either work in your favor or lose their strength 

Self-Management Strategy to Help You Friction Maxx: Wade through the Sewage to Get to Clear Waters. The neuroscientist Andrew Huberman has a great metaphor to describe the struggle of “getting started.” He describes it as a process of trusting that it will get easier. "You have to wade through some sewage before you can swim in clear water,” he says. It feels that way because when you try to focus your brain first activates its stress system. “You feel agitated, and your mind’s jumping all over the place,” he said, describing the sewage portion of his metaphor. You then have to pass through that dirty water to find your focus. 

Social Awareness and Friction Maxxing: Learn to Engage with Other People’s Tough Emotions

Social Awareness: This is your ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others. For friction, social awareness comes up the most when we find ourselves picking up on other people’s uncomfortable emotions. For example, when we know someone is going through a really tough emotional time (i.e., grief), it can be difficult to speak up and acknowledge their emotions. 

Social Awareness Strategy to Help You Friction Maxx: Show You Care. When you pick up on someone else’s difficult emotions, default to showing them that you care. A simple acknowledgement will mean a lot to the other person and break the social anxiety loop where you feel anxious about having that awkward conversation, so you avoid it, which makes you more anxious. It’s a vicious cycle. 

Relationship Management and Friction Maxxing: Set Big, Group Goals

Relationship Management: Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to build and foster stronger relationships. In terms of friction, this is all about engaging in uncomfortable interactions that ultimately build your relationships. Examples include networking, giving feedback, asking for feedback, asking for help, and engaging in conflict. 

Relationship Management Strategy to Help You Friction Maxx: Build Something With Your Dissenter. Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man, I must get to know him better.” And more importantly, he actually lived that out, hiring one of his most outspoken critics, Edwin Stanton, as his Secretary of War. They went on to become great friends. There’s actually some powerful research on this effect, where groups of people who might be likely to clash or compete collaborate well together when they have a “superordinate goal” that they’re all working together to achieve. It sounds like an obvious strategy but it tends to be underused.  

Friction Maxxing Will Grow Your EQ

Discomfort is inevitable, but how you manage it is a choice. The strategies in this article can help you build your tolerance for friction, and as an added bonus, you’ll grow your emotional intelligence in the process.